Purchased: K-Cup Package from online Keurig coffee distributor
Bean Origin: Tastes like Arabica, but who knows.
Additives: Half and half, as usual.
Taste: I swore off Gloria Jeans as soon as I realized that hanging out at the mall was both lame and pointless. Drinking GJ beverages was like consuming a $5.00 milkshake. Sure, it was good, but put enough sugar, chocolate, and whole milk into something and it's bound to taste good. Despite countless years in my teenaged life of boosting Gloria Jean's stocks, I can't say with confidence that I've ever actually drank their coffee...sticking instead to their blended shake beverages (which provide only the concept of coffee hidden somewhere inside).
Black Gold Extra Bold (both redundant and rhyming) is not the worst coffee I've tasted. It's not the best, either. Poorly roasted "bold" coffee usually tastes bitter, and this does not. The best bold blend tastes rich, almost savory (see my last post), and this does not. The one adjective I can use to describe this coffee is....smokey. Perhaps these were tossed into a smoker with some damp applewood chips. Seriously, this is the only coffee I would consider drinking at a barbeque.
Stating that I would drink this again is almost a moot point. My coworkers buy this stuff in bulk, and I've specifically stated no preference to what they purchase other than my desire for bold or dark roasts. They've complied, and they've also provided me with quite the variety. Maybe sometime down the road I'll realize how peversely terrible this coffee is, but right now I'm just enjoying it's unique taste.
This Coffee is Equivalent To: Beef Brisket prepared by a toddler.
Buzz: I suddenly have a headache, but that could just as easily be the result of this spreadsheet I'm working on.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Green Mountain Extra Bold Sumatran Reserve
Purchased: K-Cup Package from online Keurig coffee distributor
Bean Origin: Dunno, but it's fair trade!
Additives: Half and half, as usual.
Taste: Sumatran coffee is the absolute apex of boiled bean beverages. Some people will argue that Civet coffee is much more impressive, but since I plan on never drinking coffee made from beans shat out by cats, I will never know.
Sumatran coffee is to blame for my addiction: in my younger days I would prance into Prestogeorge and take a big whiff of the locally roasted blends in their store. When I asked the clerk what smell was dominating the room he emphatically declared it to be their Sumatran blend. I thought he was insane...there were at least 80 different varieties but Sumatra was the only odor? Yet, he was right.
This is my second review of a Green Mountain blend, and probably not the last. With the Keurig sitting comfortably near my cubicle I typically consume anywhere from 3 to 12 cups of coffee a day. My team enjoys a little variety, so although we purchase our coffee in packs of 50 we tend to try new blends every time an order is needed. Alas, none of this is about the taste.
It's a common mistake to assume that Sumatra is bitter. It's one of the darkest roasts, but taste has as much to do with the beans as it does the roast, and Sumatra beans are typically very clean tasting with a hint of sweetness. Green Mountain does not disappoint. It's rich enough that I know I'm not drinking Folgers, but not so bitter that I wonder if I forgot to put cream in.
When you, dear readers, are ready to take the plunge into the seedy world of coffee appreciation, start with a Sumatra...any Sumatra...and I guarantee you will never return to your brown water from McBurger Hut.
This Coffee is Equivalent To: Whatever Satan used to tempt Jesus while he roamed the desert.
Buzz: I feel like I just woke up, but now it feels like I at least slept in.
Bean Origin: Dunno, but it's fair trade!
Additives: Half and half, as usual.
Taste: Sumatran coffee is the absolute apex of boiled bean beverages. Some people will argue that Civet coffee is much more impressive, but since I plan on never drinking coffee made from beans shat out by cats, I will never know.
Sumatran coffee is to blame for my addiction: in my younger days I would prance into Prestogeorge and take a big whiff of the locally roasted blends in their store. When I asked the clerk what smell was dominating the room he emphatically declared it to be their Sumatran blend. I thought he was insane...there were at least 80 different varieties but Sumatra was the only odor? Yet, he was right.
This is my second review of a Green Mountain blend, and probably not the last. With the Keurig sitting comfortably near my cubicle I typically consume anywhere from 3 to 12 cups of coffee a day. My team enjoys a little variety, so although we purchase our coffee in packs of 50 we tend to try new blends every time an order is needed. Alas, none of this is about the taste.
It's a common mistake to assume that Sumatra is bitter. It's one of the darkest roasts, but taste has as much to do with the beans as it does the roast, and Sumatra beans are typically very clean tasting with a hint of sweetness. Green Mountain does not disappoint. It's rich enough that I know I'm not drinking Folgers, but not so bitter that I wonder if I forgot to put cream in.
When you, dear readers, are ready to take the plunge into the seedy world of coffee appreciation, start with a Sumatra...any Sumatra...and I guarantee you will never return to your brown water from McBurger Hut.
This Coffee is Equivalent To: Whatever Satan used to tempt Jesus while he roamed the desert.
Buzz: I feel like I just woke up, but now it feels like I at least slept in.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
McDonalds Premium Roast
Purchased: McDonalds, corner of Liberty and Stanwix, Pittsburgh
Bean Origin: Unknown, and that's probably for the best.
Additives: McCream, which I hope is made by cows in some manner.
Taste: It shouldn't surprise anyone that I'm drinking McDonalds coffee only to review it. Fast food coffee and gas station coffee taste like hot brown water to me; they're probably the only varieties where sugar is required just so I taste SOMETHING.
Burger King was the one exception, their "hi-test" blend actually tasted like burnt Starbucks, and it was clear they put SOME thought into providing a little caffeine kick. McDonalds makes the same attempt with their "premium roast", but the results leave a little more to be desired.
"Premium" must mean "Folgers", because that's immediately what I was reminded of. It tastes like Folgers where they added an extra scoop of ground coffee to make things a little bit stronger. I've certainly had worse coffees (AA meetings, prison, etc.), but this one will never be worth $1.29. Their cup declares the coffee to be "rich, bold, and robust", lies that make me want to spill this on myself just so I can sue them for slander.
This Coffee is Equivalent To: being homeless.
Buzz: The fog I've been in all morning is lifted, but that may have been from the walk in the brisk morning air.
Bean Origin: Unknown, and that's probably for the best.
Additives: McCream, which I hope is made by cows in some manner.
Taste: It shouldn't surprise anyone that I'm drinking McDonalds coffee only to review it. Fast food coffee and gas station coffee taste like hot brown water to me; they're probably the only varieties where sugar is required just so I taste SOMETHING.
Burger King was the one exception, their "hi-test" blend actually tasted like burnt Starbucks, and it was clear they put SOME thought into providing a little caffeine kick. McDonalds makes the same attempt with their "premium roast", but the results leave a little more to be desired.
"Premium" must mean "Folgers", because that's immediately what I was reminded of. It tastes like Folgers where they added an extra scoop of ground coffee to make things a little bit stronger. I've certainly had worse coffees (AA meetings, prison, etc.), but this one will never be worth $1.29. Their cup declares the coffee to be "rich, bold, and robust", lies that make me want to spill this on myself just so I can sue them for slander.
This Coffee is Equivalent To: being homeless.
Buzz: The fog I've been in all morning is lifted, but that may have been from the walk in the brisk morning air.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Shot in the Dark (Medium)
Purchased: Crazy Mocha, One Gateway Center, Pittsburgh
Bean Origin: Coffee is "Black and Gold" Blend, Espresso is Italian Roast
Additives: Half and Half
Taste: The Shot in the Dark has several other names depending on where you make your purchase. Starbucks calls it a Red Eye, some other local cafes call it a Black Eye. The basic construction is the same: take some dark roast coffee and add a shot (or shots) of espresso. The oddity around the Crazy Mocha Shot in the Dark is that the espresso is a key component to the taste of the coffee; without the shots it would taste like Sanka. This is not common to Red Eyes: at Starbucks (and I apologize for making them the benchmark) the coffee blend is always the dominant flavor, regardless of what you add to it. This is not a knock on Crazy Mocha, their blends have a decent caffeine content (lower than Starbucks, however), but I cannot find a major difference between their dark roasts and their "normal" blends.
The taste is bitter, to the point that it makes my throat itch as it goes down. The flavor isn't as developed or well-rounded as I would prefer, when caffeine is the dominant taste you know that the roast is missing something. I blame the coffee blend on this one. I don't know what "Black and Gold" blend would signify (other than that it was roasted locally, but so is most of their coffee), but I think they may have used American grown beans, which are typically lighter in flavor, and tried to dark roast them.
This Coffee is Equivalent to: getting a B12 shot and later finding out that it was actually steroids.
Buzz: No immediate effects, but this particular drink is more of a long-term deal. You won't feel a jolt of energy but you definitely won't be sleeping until your post-lunch food coma.
Bean Origin: Coffee is "Black and Gold" Blend, Espresso is Italian Roast
Additives: Half and Half
Taste: The Shot in the Dark has several other names depending on where you make your purchase. Starbucks calls it a Red Eye, some other local cafes call it a Black Eye. The basic construction is the same: take some dark roast coffee and add a shot (or shots) of espresso. The oddity around the Crazy Mocha Shot in the Dark is that the espresso is a key component to the taste of the coffee; without the shots it would taste like Sanka. This is not common to Red Eyes: at Starbucks (and I apologize for making them the benchmark) the coffee blend is always the dominant flavor, regardless of what you add to it. This is not a knock on Crazy Mocha, their blends have a decent caffeine content (lower than Starbucks, however), but I cannot find a major difference between their dark roasts and their "normal" blends.
The taste is bitter, to the point that it makes my throat itch as it goes down. The flavor isn't as developed or well-rounded as I would prefer, when caffeine is the dominant taste you know that the roast is missing something. I blame the coffee blend on this one. I don't know what "Black and Gold" blend would signify (other than that it was roasted locally, but so is most of their coffee), but I think they may have used American grown beans, which are typically lighter in flavor, and tried to dark roast them.
This Coffee is Equivalent to: getting a B12 shot and later finding out that it was actually steroids.
Buzz: No immediate effects, but this particular drink is more of a long-term deal. You won't feel a jolt of energy but you definitely won't be sleeping until your post-lunch food coma.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Green Mountain Extra Bold "Double Black Diamond"
Purchased: In K-Cup form for the Keurig coffee system
Bean Origin: Unknown
Additives: Half and Half
Taste: Most blends touting themselves as "bold" often mean "bitter", as if the coffee was brewed several days ago and sat in the brewer as the water evaporated and turned the coffee to sludge. Double Black Diamond (DBD from now on, as I'm too lazy to type all three words) was not bitter to drink. It was incredibly smooth going down, but there was a little tinge of bitter left in my mouth after each gulp. That sensation is not a deterrent from drinking this coffee again (and I will, since I have two cases of the stuff now), and is pretty common in dark roast blends, but I will have to remember to bring mints or gum with me to meetings. The flavor of the coffee is smoky, and slightly nutty, with the obvious taste of caffeine (for those that weren't aware that caffeine has a taste, take a sip of caffeine-free coke, then take a sip of coke; the innocuous taste missing from the caffeine-free coke is the caffeine).
This Coffee is Equivalent to: skiing down a double black diamond slope. Duh.
Buzz: A decent pick-me-up, as my yawning has subsided for the time being. My guess is those less tolerant of caffeine would be bouncing off of the walls after just one cup.
Bean Origin: Unknown
Additives: Half and Half
Taste: Most blends touting themselves as "bold" often mean "bitter", as if the coffee was brewed several days ago and sat in the brewer as the water evaporated and turned the coffee to sludge. Double Black Diamond (DBD from now on, as I'm too lazy to type all three words) was not bitter to drink. It was incredibly smooth going down, but there was a little tinge of bitter left in my mouth after each gulp. That sensation is not a deterrent from drinking this coffee again (and I will, since I have two cases of the stuff now), and is pretty common in dark roast blends, but I will have to remember to bring mints or gum with me to meetings. The flavor of the coffee is smoky, and slightly nutty, with the obvious taste of caffeine (for those that weren't aware that caffeine has a taste, take a sip of caffeine-free coke, then take a sip of coke; the innocuous taste missing from the caffeine-free coke is the caffeine).
This Coffee is Equivalent to: skiing down a double black diamond slope. Duh.
Buzz: A decent pick-me-up, as my yawning has subsided for the time being. My guess is those less tolerant of caffeine would be bouncing off of the walls after just one cup.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
